The Inevitable Break-Up

Whew. That about sucked the life out of me. Break ups are brutal, yes? I don’t know what type of break up is worse? The terminally ill one that painfully drags out until the bitter end or the sudden death of one? As far as I’m concerned- both suck. You spend so much time with one person, learning the good and the bad, sharing the good and the bad. You make plans, promises and when those are broken you fight the good fight. After a couple of years together that person naturally becomes your best friend and then BAM! Stranger – Danger. My ex-husband was right...he said I would fall for the first guy that was nice to me. Boy did I ever; sucked that niceness up like a buttermilk biscuit does gravy. Once the dust settles you (well at least I did) start to question “What the hell was I thinking? Who the hell was that guy? Am I that naïve?” Love is blind people and sometimes it might as well be in the form of a stupid pill you take once daily; sometimes twice.

In my case it might as well have been connected to me in the form of a drip. This particular relationship was doomed from the very beginning. The odds were against us from jump however you can bet your sweet ass I was willing to do whatever I could to defy those odds. The differences included but are not limited to him being younger and I’ve been there done that. He’s refined and composed; I’m a blood type away from Emily Rose. He’s moderately successful; I can put gas in my car- half a tank at a time. I have kids; he has guns. I almost forgot, he lives in Dallas surrounded by beautiful southern belles; I live in suburbia surrounded by...well I'm sure you can imagine. At any rate you catch my drift.

While going through Divorce Care it was driven home that the first relationship to end after the Big D might actually be worse than your actual divorce. I begged heavily to differ at the time however since I’ve been put in the position I now understand why. The feeling of another relationship failing, feeling unworthy of a healthy relationship and the inevitable, nasty rejection factor all pile up and put a pressure on you that unless you’ve been through it you can’t really understand it.  Oh yes, then there’s the “I’m going to grow old alone” thought process. Yup, I already have my eye on a lazy boy recliner and the names picked out for my cats – Roger, Bob and Lady.

I’m no more hurt than the next girl who’s gone or is going through it but the pain is so severe at times you feel like you’re the only one who has ever felt this hurt, betrayed or the worst part – pathetic. Feeling pathetic, especially for a “strong, independent” woman is like emotional suicide. Trust and believe there were many tears to be had, bottles of wine to be drunk and an Adele CD that was memorized. Logic doesn’t kick in and say “it just wasn’t meant to be”. Instead most of us self-deprecate and start asking ourselves “What’s wrong with me?” Your head knows it was for the best unlike your heart which goes out totally kicking and screaming. Silly, stupid heart.

Unfortunately and fortunately I’m the type of person that has to learn the hard way or ALWAYS from my mistakes but I’m here to tell you the lambs have stopped screaming.  I’m a different person as a result – a better person and most importantly a stronger person. Tah-wanda! I'd like to take this time to thank pop sensation Britney Spears for this tune. Sometimes my friends, you just have to dance it out - way out.

PS: I have a men’s barely used bicycle for sale. $5.00 o.b.o.

86 Big Mama’s Opinion:

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I call bullshit.

86 Big Mama’s Advice:

While rebounds serve their purpose post break-up blues - stay away from motorcycle cops. There’s a reason their a-hole reputation precedes them. Trust me on this one.